Wellness is all fine and good, but sometimes the stresses of modern travel call for a stiff drink.
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Travel is stressful and chaotic, to say the least. Even when armed with the best possible outlook and intel, things can and will go wrong. Often. With and without warning. And there’s only so much you can do to mitigate these distressing external factors. Take it from a guy who climbs aboard about 125 or 150 flights per year. It is what it is out there, and while you may not thrive, you can learn how to survive.
I’ve gotten into altercations with travelers in lounges who took off their shoes and spread out across a couch, leaving other people without a place to sit. I’ve been stranded at airports overnight. I’ve had flights canceled. I’ve missed flights and dealt with the unpredictability of blizzards and storms. Now, much like everyone else, I’m navigating government shutdowns and their chaotic impact on travel, from short staffing to winding security lines.
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This is just my short list of recent travel mishaps, and chances are that you have your own. All of this is to say that it’s time to take the edge off with a stiff drink.
Airports Call for Only One Form of Wellness
Airports are morally lawless, time zone-neutral constructs residing far outside the realm of normal, civilized society. They’re like casinos, except you’re gambling on the idea that the amount of joy you’ll eventually derive from your trip will somehow outweigh the awful experience you have to wade through in order to reach your destination.
As such, there’s no place for wellness goals, unless the wellness we’re speaking of is of the mental stability variety. That should be at the tippy top of the list, and a glass of bubbles (or a stiff cocktail) offers a great bit of help in getting you there.
We’ve seen other people these days, though, pursuing wellness in the form of in-airport yoga sessions. Um—and I’m sorry—you’re not going to ohmmm you’re way through today’s travel chaos. Plus, what’s grosser than a bunch of travelers adding physical exertion, sweat, and body odor to the already malicious mix of fellow passenger hazards that we encounter?
I’d be all for airport gyms—if mandatory hygiene were a fundamental component. Seeing as though we can’t even get mandatory hygiene to be an agreed-upon principle of flying to begin with, even without the sweat session, I’m going to consider the matter closed. The airport is no place for exercise, except for the mad dash through the terminal to make your flight. In which case, godspeed.
In other instances, how about we exercise an altogether different set of muscles? No, not our livers, per se. But our minds, our social skills, and our ability to relax. Connect with your travel mate. Say hello to a stranger. Strike up a conversation. Sit down at a bar stool and take the pulse of your fellow world-weary, traveling souls.
The trick to flying well is understanding that it’s less about unlocking some secret passageway to unbridled bliss and more about improving things a smidge. Nudging your situation ever so slightly in the right direction by finding a way to reduce or alleviate the rigors of modern travel. That’s it. That’s the trick. Try to make things a teeny tiny bit better for yourself. And a drink, or two, should be relished as the ideal way to perform such a task.
Toasting to a Better Airport Experience
The inanity of airplane travel knows no bounds. Welcome to a world riddled with middle seats lined by over-sized and under-washed humans who surround you and impede your sleep and relaxation while infringing upon your personal space. There are passive-aggressive passenger-on-passenger interactions that even devolve from antagonism into violence. Arguments with flight attendants. Shouting matches with TSA.
Maybe if we’re all a bit calmer and happier, less of this stuff would be happening. Of course, a few tipples too many would begin to shift everyone back into the wrong state of mind. Moderation is key, no doubt. You’re aiming to soothe your soul, not kick-start a raucous or debaucherous journey. Become the one who turns the other cheek, who tunes out the madness, who resists the urge to scream, and never the one strapped down in his chair waiting for a police escort upon arrival.
While the halcyon days of aviation have long since passed, we are fortunate to be in the golden age of airport drinking, at least as far as what’s available to us here in the States. You don’t have to make it a double for $5 anymore while sitting elbow-to-elbow with the same malcontents you’re hoping to avoid on the flight. Instead, a growing number of airports feature legit restaurants and bars serving honest-to-goodness craft cocktails. In beer-mad or wine-soaked destinations, tasting rooms abound. And the evolution of lounges, with airline-affiliated options such as Delta One and United Polaris, and credit card-centric choices from American Express, Capital One, and Chase offering premium booze, signature serves, and myriad made-to-order specialties.
The next time you’re at the airport, celebrate the start of that family vacation. Toast to the success of a recent business trip or the hopeful beginnings of the next one. Rekindle a romantic connection. Savor the finer things. Life is too short to just grin and bear it, and flying today has done enough to lower the common denominator of our collective existences. Have a glimmering glass of Champagne. Sip on a nerve-soothing Negroni. Try a craft whiskey, a vintage wine, or a local beer.
Maybe you deserve it. Maybe you need it. Maybe you just want to survive the day with your sanity intact. Maybe you can meditate your way through this; if your mantra is something along the lines of “dry gin martini, olive and twist, please.”